


nightmares and cuddles

by AimiTachibanana



Series: comfort mini-fest 2020 [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Pre-Hogwarts, Raising Harry Potter, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Raise Harry Potter, Swotty Potter's Wolfstar Comfort Mini-fest 2020, harry is ten btw, jily-mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:15:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26678059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AimiTachibanana/pseuds/AimiTachibanana
Summary: harry thanks moomy and dadfoot for being brave with him
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: comfort mini-fest 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1943653
Comments: 8
Kudos: 173





	nightmares and cuddles

**Author's Note:**

> written for [swottypotter’s](https://swottypotter.tumblr.com/post/629234611440025600/hello-friends-this-is-a-bit-last-minute-but-i-am) comfort mini-fest on tumblr!  
> 9/27 prompt: gratitude  
>  **tw// panic attack**

_A blinding flash of green light. Screaming— a woman’s. Deafening explosion then a piercing ring as everything turns dark once more… Forehead burning…_

Harry woke up in cold sweat, panting. He felt adrenaline coursing through his veins as he sat up, hands subconsciously running through his untameable wild hair. The silence made his thoughts yell louder and the darkness felt eerily inappropriate to his turbulent feelings.

This wasn’t new; the nightmares, the insomnia, the constant panic in his restless mind alerting him that _Voldemort_ was by his bedroom door— a forceful pull back to consciousness. Sleep has been a challenge for Harry, he’s set the bar so low that sometimes he forgets it’s not normal to wake up crying in the night at all.

That doesn’t mean it gets easier each time.

Harry hugged his knees tight, cursing himself through harsh sobs for not being brave enough to face his demons alone. Everyone tells him that both his parents were brave, so why wasn’t he?

The worst part is, he doesn’t even understand why the vivid flashes of weird images in his dream cause him to fall apart this quickly. He just feels embarrassed. Stupid. Mad— in both definitions.

It was getting more and more difficult to breathe as he refused to let his cries out; the lump in his throat obstructing his air flow as it simultaneously intercepted with his continuous sobs. Harry sounded like he was choking through air but at the same time felt like he was drowning in it.

He pulled his blanket up to his chin and looked to his window, contemplating on whether or not he should move to open it, when he heard the doorknob slowly click open, the sound shattering the silence of the room… 

Harry jolted and an involuntary yelp escaped his restricted throat. Instantly, warm but strong hands wrapped around his apparently trembling self, gently holding him in place and stroking his back in a soothing manner.

“Breathe, Harry…” The voice said. “Come on, do it with me.” A deep inhale followed and Harry felt his body slowly relax as he focused on mimicking the action.

More minutes passed until Harry finally felt calm enough to snuggle into the soft but firm arms around him. He opened his eyes and saw locks of black hair by the person’s shoulders and felt guilt replace the momentary ease in his stomach.

“Padfoot, did I wake you? I’m so sorry…” He rubbed his eyes from the stale tears there.

To his surprise, Sirius huffed a laugh. “Nah, Moony woke me up.” Harry felt the hand resting on his back still its movements. “But I’m kinda glad he did.”

“Why?”

Sirius was quiet for a while, like he was mulling over his answer. “So you didn’t have to go through this alone.” he said simply.

Harry knew those words meant more than they suggested. After all, Sirius only hinted about his own past, never really giving Harry the full picture. Harry wanted to finally ask about it, but a concern persisted in his mind. He leaned back to face Sirius properly, “Why did Moony wake you up? Is he all right?”

Sirius broke into a soft smile before fiddling with Harry’s disheveled duvet. “You really are your parents’ child, Harry. Just like them you’re uncommonly kind. I went here for you yet you go asking about others as soon as you can.”

For a second Harry felt conflicted about this comment. The looming thought of him not being able to live up to his parents’ braveness suddenly entered his mind once more. “No, of course I am thankful you’re here. It’s just that… well, with the moon just yesterday, I couldn’t help but wonder…” Harry couldn’t finish this sentence as he found himself too distracted with Sirius who was shaking his head.

“Listen, kid, I don’t mean it that way.” He grinned, ruffling Harry’s unkempt hair. Then he sighed, looking more forlorn this time. “We— er, couldn’t sleep too, you see.”

“Is he still awake?” Harry blurted, eyes scanning around Sirius’ features in the dark.

Sirius already scooped Harry in his arms and stood up. “Let’s go wake him up if he isn’t still. Merlin knows it’s time for my revenge.”

“Are you sure it’ll be okay?” Harry asked tentatively, gripping onto Sirius’ shoulder.

He scoffed. “As long as it’s us. You know Moony can’t hate us— even if he tried. We’re irresistible like that, Prongslet.” Sirius winked.

And for the first time that night, Harry cracked a smile.

* * *

Sirius glanced behind at Harry, a sly grin etched on his face. Harry put a finger to his smiling lips, shushing his godfather. At this, Sirius placed a finger over his own lips, as if scolding himself as well. Harry quietly giggled before Sirius carefully opened the bedroom door where Remus rested.

Together they tiptoed to the rising and falling lump of sheets on one side of the wide bed, only his tawny mess of hair was visible. But as they approached, stealthily avoiding the creakier floorboards, a startling grunt sounded from under the sheets.

Sirius hastily carried Harry to sit on the bed and spoke, “I present you this offering! Please don’t impair upon me your wrath for disturbing your slumber.” They snickered as Sirius also hopped on the mattress, rocking the bed slightly as he laid beside Remus with Harry right in the middle.

Remus simply opened the blanket with his arm for Harry to settle inside, the younger boy quickly complied, feeling himself immediately comforted by the warmth around him. Harry felt his forgotten drowsiness washing over him.

After a period of silence, Harry heard Sirius softly speak. “Hey, what about me?” He couldn’t help but chuckle at this.

“What’d you think, Harry? Should we invite the gaudy nitwit inside our cave?” Though facing away, Harry can hear the grin in Remus’ slurred words.

“Sorry Padfoot, I don’t think you’ve earned your place yet.”

Harry knew it was all in good fun but he was too soft on Sirius after calming him down from his earlier ordeal, he told this to Remus who pulled down the blankets, revealing a giant black dog where Sirius previously sat.

“What do you mean? What happened?” Remus sat up, piercing eyes steady on Harry.

“I’m fine now.” Harry chewed his bottom lip. 

Remus looked unconvinced but acquiesced, sighing. “I’m glad Padfoot could be there for you then.”

At Remus’ reassuring smile, Harry felt this newfound courage to open up more about it. “It’s just the same nightmare again.” He then felt a cold nose press to his arm. Harry scratched the dog’s neck then fully wrapped his arms around Padfoot, burying his face in the soft shampoo-smelling fur.

“Do you want to talk about it, pup?” came Remus’ voice beside him as he felt a gentle hand rest on his back, it reminded him of Sirius’ soothing pats earlier. 

Harry doesn’t know what it was about Remus that makes it so easy to want to talk to him. Maybe it was the underlying desire to want to be comforted; that while Sirius’ presence always inspires him to be brave, Remus’ presence is more on reassurance— telling him that he doesn’t _have_ to be brave all the time. He’s never been more thankful they balance each other so well and that he was blessed with both of them all to himself.

As quick as that gratifying thought occurred, he felt an unsettling churn in his gut.

He turned his head so his face was visible to his other godfather. “Is it selfish that I sometimes forget my parents?” 

Harry sat curious as silence hung in the air. He sat up to face Remus and felt the familiar gentle incentive of being vulnerable. He was aware this was a rather sensitive topic but he wasn’t planning on backing out of it now that they’re willing to engage.

“You have to understand, Harry…” Remus began, “Sirius and I always bring up your parents because we miss them so, so much. It’s cruel that we got to spend so much time with them while you so little.” He patted Harry’s cheek. “It’s perfectly forgivable if you sometimes… forget. Moments you shared with them are ever so scarce, Harry, it’d be quite impossible to keep holding on to them all your life.”

Harry sniffed, indignant not to cry twice this night. Just then, he felt Padfoot gradually shift back into Sirius behind him. 

“You’re not selfish for feeling too happy to think about what you’ve lost. Remember that.” said Sirius.

Remus gave an approving smile to Sirius before sighing wistfully. “We feel guilty about it too, Harry.”

“About my mum and dad?” Harry asked softly. This part about his parents was new. Neither of them deliberately bring up the events after they graduated so needless to say, Harry’s interest was piqued.

They both nodded then Sirius replied, “We talk about them a lot because you’re a living reminder of them, pup. It’s just uncanny.” He smiled, shrugging.

Harry smiled back.

Remus chimed in, “Look, we know we will never fill their shoes in your life—”

“No that’s the thing…” Harry interrupted.

Both his godfathers looked taken aback by the sudden loudness of his voice but waited for him to continue.

“When I think of parents, I just now think of you two.” He stared intently at the ruffled duvet. “I can’t help but feel like these nightmares are punishments for it.” Harry felt Sirius pull him into a crushing hug and heard shuffling before feeling Remus join them.

Remus was first to pull apart and maybe it was the dim lighting but his eyes appeared to be glistening. He then heard Sirius behind him. “You are not to be blamed for anything, Harry. You hear me?” The ten year-old turned to glance at his speaking godfather and nodded.

“I’m sorry about these nightmares Harry.” Remus says. “But you shouldn’t think of them as punishments. They’re nothing more but bad memories. It has absolutely nothing to do with your relationship with Lily and James, alright?” He tilted his head to level with Harry’s gaze under his ducked head.

“And besides,” Sirius spoke. “Who says you’re limited to just one pair of parents?” he grinned.

Harry hung his arms around their necks. “Thank you.” He mumbled, pulling their heads together, feeling their cheeks press against his own. Harry poured all of his profound gratitude through his tight grip before pulling away and beaming at them.

A thumb swiped his cheek and Harry realised he had apparently failed to keep his tears from flowing until then as he looked up to Remus smiling softly at him.

“Well, I’d say you telling us that we’re nearly good enough replacements for your parents is the highest form of compliment in my life so far. And this is coming from me, who got voted Witch Weekly’s most charming smile of the year _—_ and I was still a student!” Sirius beamed.

Remus rolled his eyes as he leaned in for a whisper. “Still lost to Gilderoy Lockhart, though.” He then made his voice louder, positioning to lie back down. “Come on, let’s get some sleep.”

Harry giggled. He was about to make a move to head back to his room but Remus was already making space for him in between them on the wide bed.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at Remus. “Just this once I won’t say anything to that since I’d rather savour every last moment we can sleep with Harry still here.” He then shifted into a lying position with them.

“Damn right.” Remus mumbled.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows at this. “What does that mean?”

“Hogwarts, Prongslet. This is your last year before you finally become an official student there after all.” Sirius replied, yawning. “Couldn’t wait for you to become our little prodigy.”

“Sirius.” Remus said warningly but was simply met with a lazy chuckle.

_That’s right_ , Harry mused. Soon, he would be surrounded by other magical children. He suddenly wondered how different his life would’ve been if he were raised away from the Wizarding World, but then he just couldn’t _—_ and that was all because of Sirius and Remus. Harry felt overwhelmed by this relief.

“Moony?” He called to the darkness.

“Hmm?” came his response.

“Padfoot?” Harry called once more.

“I’m here.”

“Thank you.”

Harry doesn’t know which of them did it, but there was a kiss near his scar and he felt his cheeks strain from him grinning so much that night. Not quite what he expected since being woken up, but undoubtedly the best turn of events since.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on [tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/aimitachibanana)
> 
> comments and kudos are appreciated <3


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